Reflecting at 36: The Art of Living Differently

Wow, this question has my mind going everywhere. No joke. If someone gave me an age, I could pinpoint at least 2 or 3 things I should have done differently at each age. Since I’m 36 years old, there are many opportunities for things I could have done differently. However, the question asks me in the present tense so I guess I will stick with answering that.

What can I do differently? I could treat people better. I’m not a horrible person, by any stretch of the word. However, after I get done interacting with someone and review the interaction in my head, I do notice small areas for improvement. I think that most of the time, I react too quickly and without thought, leading to small areas of disrespect. I could do better at respecting others.

I could take my time on more things. I’m a very impatient person. When I want to do something, I just want to get it over and done. I hate the long wait for an afternoon appointment. I spend all day anticipating it. I like the feeling of being finished with everything that I have to do. Having something on my ‘to-do list’ eats away at me. Another thing that bugs me is when I’m waiting for someone to pick me up so that we can go somewhere. Anticipation.

When I think about how anticipation makes me uncomfortable, I realize it’s because I am not living in the moment. Mindfulness teaches being present in the moment so that one does not worry about the future. Remembering to be mindful isn’t always easy though. For example, I’m at my sister’s house. While she watches football, I am blogging. Then again, sports hold no interest for me so, I’m blogging to preoccupy me.

I guess that’s another thing that I would do differently. Be more in appreciation of the moment. Not just more cognitively aware of the moment, but more appreciative of it. I always seem to be distracted and pulled somewhere else. I don’t think I’m alone in this either though. As I look over at my sister and her son, they’re both busy on their phones while commercials play in the background. That’s one thing that is so prevalent today. There has to be constant mental stimulation for everyone. No one can just be satisfied with a single form of distraction, we all need multiple screens around us at all times.

Sometimes I think I have flashbacks to past lives, before the digital age when the most technological advance was TV with 3 or 4 stations and radio. There wasn’t a feeling of being constantly connected to everything and everyone around you and more of a sense of privacy. The world felt like a smaller place. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. It’s a passion of mine. I think living back in that time would have been different and good in its own sense. However, if I did live back then, I would want to be ignorant of the technology that we have now. Otherwise, knowing what was coming in 50 years would ruin the current time for me.

Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I imagine that it’s the 1970’s and I’m an adult, driving in a rural setting with nothing but the radio to preoccupy me. How simple times would be? How less complicated things would be if we weren’t eternally connected to everyone and everything? Technology makes our world smaller but everything is so much bigger.

Then again, that’s something else I would like to do differently. Take less time to fall asleep at night. It takes me so long to fall asleep and it can prove to be such a frustrating thing when it does, which is nearly every night. I spend hours just lying there thinking about things. My mind wanders from one topic to the next, kind of like it did in this blog post. It’s enough to drive a person mad, which I suppose is why I started this blog. To have an outlet to let some of it out, to put some of it down in print and get it out of my head. I think it helps to some degree, so my thoughts aren’t just simmering in my mind. But, it also opens space for new thoughts, and other thoughts to come in. Oh well, at least I’m not the only one that has to sit with them now.

Anyways, I’m going to go and enjoy some more time with my sister and nephews. Try to be more present in the moment, whether football is on the TV or not.