Navigating the Intricacies of Privacy in Personal Relationships

FOWC with Fandango — Privacy

I hope this is the correct way to pingback someone, as that is a requirement of the FOWC. Anyways, today’s word is “Privacy” which is an interesting word for me when considering my recent past.

Whenever we’re referencing a single word, I like to pull out the definition just to aid me in my writing. Thank you, Merriam-Webster.

In my most recent relationship, privacy wasn’t a thing that I was really afforded. Within the first week of moving into my apartment, my ex went through everything in the apartment to see if I had any secrets. I found this out after coming home from work one day. I think I told him that I needed to find something and he pointed out exactly where it was. I asked him how he knew and he told me he went through everything in the apartment. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to know if I had any secrets. I asked him if he found anything and he just mentioned the title to my car. Duh. I owned a vehicle, I should have the title to it.

That should have been a huge red flag for me, but I was pretty forgiving. I was forgiving when he insisted on reading the messages on my phone regularly, too. I mean, there wasn’t very much in my day-to-day that I could trust that he wasn’t snooping into. It was pretty traumatizing, to say the least. I now have some weird fears about not having privacy when I should, which is horrible to experience.

I think that privacy should be an inalienable right for a free person. I think I should have the right to privacy, especially on certain topics. For example, there was one time that I wanted to abstain from telling him a dream I had, but he asked how I slept so I only told him that a dream or nightmare disturbed my sleep. He got upset with me that I wasn’t telling him what the dream was about. It was about the abuse he put me through while in the relationship. I didn’t want to share that with him for obvious reasons. He started accusing me of keeping secrets from him and told him I was just like his abusive ex. If I’m not mistaken, that borders on gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a term I hear overused and misused often. Just like labeling people a narcissist without any proper diagnosis. Many of my friends labeled my ex as a narcissist, which I can understand from their perspective to some degree, however there are many symptoms of narcism that he didn’t have. While he definitely lacked empathy, I don’t think he was obsessed with looks or success. He also didn’t exhibit a need to be around other successful people. No, if I were to reference the DSM-5, I would probably associate him more with Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

All of these signs align with the type of behavior he exhibited. I’m not a professional though, so I can’t diagnose him. He told me he had Disassociative Identity Disorder among other diagnoses. A person with ASPD dating someone with BPD is not a good mixture.

A relationship between someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) can be complex and challenging due to the interaction of each person’s symptoms and behaviors. Here’s a brief overview of how these interactions might manifest:

Emotional Volatility and Conflict

• BPD Characteristics: Individuals with BPD often experience intense emotional instability, fear of abandonment, and a pattern of unstable relationships. They may have a strong need for emotional closeness and reassurance.
• ASPD Characteristics: Individuals with ASPD tend to exhibit a lack of empathy, manipulative behaviors, and a disregard for the rights and feelings of others.

In a relationship, the emotional needs and behaviors of a person with BPD might clash with the manipulative and emotionally detached behaviors of someone with ASPD, potentially leading to a highly volatile and conflict-ridden relationship.

Manipulation and Trust Issues

• BPD and Need for Validation: A person with BPD seeking constant validation and emotional support might be vulnerable to manipulation by a partner with ASPD, who may exploit this need for their own benefit.
• ASPD and Exploitation: The tendency of someone with ASPD to engage in deceitful and exploitative behaviors can exacerbate trust issues, leading to further instability and conflict within the relationship.

Intensity and Destructive Patterns

• Both BPD and ASPD involve intense and sometimes impulsive behaviors. This can create a dynamic where the relationship is characterized by extreme highs and lows, with periods of intense closeness followed by destructive conflicts.
• The relationship might also feature patterns of codependency, with the individual with BPD possibly becoming overly dependent on the person with ASPD, who may not provide the emotional support or stability the BPD individual seeks.

Potential for Growth or Harm

• Challenges: Without awareness and management of their conditions, the relationship can become a source of significant emotional pain and conflict for both parties, potentially exacerbating each other’s symptoms.
• Opportunity for Improvement: With proper treatment and a commitment to personal growth, individuals with BPD and ASPD can work towards healthier relationship patterns. This would likely involve individual therapy for both parties, as well as couples therapy to address relationship dynamics specifically.

It’s important to remember that every individual and relationship is unique, and outcomes can vary widely depending on a multitude of factors, including the severity of the disorders, the presence of other mental health issues, and the willingness and ability of both individuals to seek and engage in treatment.

It took me a long time to move on from him, but once I did I realized I am much better off for it. My life is still in shambles from dating him, but I am on the path to reconciling things, both emotionally and materially. Just like losing weight though, it takes more time to fix the issue than it does to create the issue in the first place.

Anyways, privacy. Privacy is nice, and I don’t take it for granted now. Speaking of which, Bubba is the only one that is allowed to break my privacy boundaries now. And he does so flagrantly. It’s okay though, because I know he has my best interests in mind in everything he does… well, almost everything. Right now, for example, he is insisting I go to sleep. Despite explaining the plan to him to reorient my sleep schedule tonight, he is insistent on me going to sleep. He won’t let me sit in my gaming chair, snatched it up the instant I stood up to write my blog post. Then, he has been intensely snuggling me while I lay in bed to write my post, making writing difficult. He’s doing everything in his power to distract me and lull me into sleep. Which, at this time of morning, if I were to go to sleep, I would end up sleeping all day which is the exact opposite of my intentions.

I’m rambling now, alright. Hope everyone has a good Saturday!