My Struggle with Sleep, Homelessness, and Finding Hope

I’m 36 years old and I still can’t figure out how this sleep thing works. The circadian rhythm and I do not play well together. I had similar issues last night and it wasn’t until around 3 AM that I was able to finally fall asleep. I only got 5 hours of sleep before I woke up. So, you would think that I would be tired today, especially after the day that I had.

After I woke up, I got dressed and walked half a mile to a vape store to pick up some more vape juice, then walked back home. It was a chilly but refreshing walk. By the time I got home, it was time to start making calls. I’m technically homeless, staying with a relative. “Couch surfing” is what the cool kids call it. Not that I would consider anyone in my position to be cool. Sometimes it’s just nice to pretend.

The calls I had to make were to organizations that help people in my situation. Places like Housing Authorities and such. I’ve been reaching out to these places for the past few months, but with the holidays and everything I guess I got swept under the proverbial rug. So, being mid-January, it’s a good time to get back into the swing of calling around. Plus, my great-aunt and I felt it was a good idea to give myself a 60-day goal to have my own place.

You see, with most of these organizations, you have to nag and nag them to get through to anyone. They’re extremely busy, I’m sure the staff is working to the bone and probably not paid handsomely if at all, and there are a lot of people in similar situations looking for help. Needless to say, there are a lot of messages on voicemails from me. So, today I decided I would start going into the actual offices of these places and ask to speak to someone directly to get the help that I need.

I went to a couple of places today and I called a few others to see if they allow walk-ins. I’ll be going to more tomorrow. There was one organization that I was able to meet with pretty quickly. We met on Tuesday. The organization is called the Society of St. Vincent de Paul, or as my family likes to call them, “St. Vinnie’s.” I explained my situation to them, and what my plans were. They agreed to provide help when I was ready with an apartment, which was really nice. They also gave me some non-perishable items which helped in many ways.

I also told them about the need to neuter Bubba, my cat. I told them how I found a program through the Humane Association, called SNAP (kind of a gruesome name for the program). It offers to spay or neuter pets at a very low cost. The fees would be $105 for the neutering and rabies shots. Just yesterday, they called me and told me that an anonymous donor offered to pay the fees for the neutering. I’m so thankful to whoever donated, and have an appointment set up for Monday. Although it gives me anxiety to think that Bubby is going to go through surgery, I know it’s for the best. It’s the proper thing to do. It still makes me a bit worried. So, I’ve been praying that it all goes well.

On top of all of that going on right now, I’ve been very busy working with the Department of Workforce Development (DWD), Division of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR) to try to find a job that is compatible with my diagnoses. Also, last month I signed up for a program to get a certification for Project Management. I had several meetings for that this week. I’ve also started some of the courses for it. I’ve been at a really hard crossroads because when I evaluate my past decisions, it seems like every decision I’ve ever made has turned out to be the wrong decision. So, right now I’m trying to agree to everything that is going to give me a possibility out of the situation I’m currently in. I guess that I’m trying to play a numbers game.

The issue is while going through the training for Project Management training, I realized it’s a lot of responsibility. People would be counting on me. It’s starting to make me feel overwhelmed, plus with everything else I have on my plate at the moment, it’s really hard to concentrate on the classes. I don’t want to give up on it though because I’ve given up on so many opportunities in the past. Opportunities that would have helped prevent me from being in the situation in which I find myself today.

My sister got a degree in interior design and took bookkeeping as well. She wanted the skills necessary to start her own business flipping houses. She’s currently trying to get her real estate license. I really admire her for all the hard work she’s done over the years to better her situation. I’m trying to emulate her, trying to push through on the things that I have to do to have a better situation for myself. It’s not easy though. I know, no one said it would be easy. I just wish that when life threw you things to deal with, it would throw one thing at a time. This whole pile of things I find myself having to manage is really starting to stink.

I’ll just keep reminding myself of my mantra, “Patience and persistence.”

Here’s a poem about insomnia:

Take care.