It’s all rubbish

My sleep schedule is so screwed up. I’m managing, but until internet gets hooked up, all I have to do is listen to podcasts and unpack what is essentially sentimental junk.

I have a lot of books and clothes. There are a few boxes of miscellaneous stuff. Who is that woman? Marie Kondo. She tells people to question whether something brings them joy. other people have suggested having a bin for trash, a bin for donating, and a bin for keeping.

Well, the bin for keeping is the cupboard above my bedroom closet. And the bin for trash is the dumpster outside.

I keep contemplating whether it’s appropriate for me to throw so many things away. I was thinking about this quite a bit the other day. How my stuff, I mean… I’ve had blankets for over a decade and a half. Underwear for even longer.

I know, this sounds bad. Or very typically male. I feel bad throwing away blankets just because there are a few holes. But I realize that even people in need deserve belongings that are dignified.

If I had any crafting talent, I would try upcycling things. I always admired people who could take say a dilapidated piece of furniture and restore it. Sometimes it even looks better than the original. Had I more space, and time, and money, I think I would try to learn something productive like that.

Instead, I distract myself with my feline friend and content consumption. Which is another reason why it’s taken me so long to unpack. Yes, I need a bookshelf. I could fill my dresser, but I’d like to wash many of the clothes.

I suppose I could spend my time sorting through all these clothes and deciding which to keep and which to let go. Do I wash them all? Obviously nothing I’m throwing away. But, donations? Isn’t the moral thing to wash them? But, I honestly doubt anything I don’t want to keep I would be willing to consider donating. You see, as may be evident by my earlier testimony, I tend to keep things until they’re… kaput.

My mother called it, “Save it for good.” I don’t know where she learned this from, but it’s instilled in me unfortunately. it gives me anxiety to throw away some things. Like boxes to electronics.

I’m not the type to use the box ever again. The device never goes back in the box. The box sits on a shelf, hidden from sight for god knows how long. Until one day, I purge. I throw a bunch of stuff away. And that day feels like an act of protest against all the mental clutter.

But then, the next time I buy something I keep the box. I keep the cables. Even though I have 248 USB A to USB C cables. I still hold onto the one that comes with the devices.

Oh, and don’t get me wrong. I’m frustrated that I do this. But then I also get frustrated that companies are no longer including things like bricks and cables with devices.

Logically, it makes sense. Especially for the the popcorn tin of cables that follows me around like an estate I will bequeath one day.

Yes, if you need an Ethernet I have them in several lengths, colors, capacities, and probably some inter dimensional kinds as well.

It’s appropriate that bin shows a winter scene. Not because someone probably gifted popcorn inside one Christmas… many years ago. But because the truth that it represents is cold. And frigid.

The truth is that most of this shit that I managed to invest emotionally and financially by storing for years, is junk.

I managed to get by powering every one of my devices without resorting to rummaging through the cable bin. I’ve managed to completely forget that I even had some of this stuff. But damnit, once I see it I remember why I kept it.

That moment of joy it brought me when I first opened it. That thought that if I hold onto the components it will preserve that moment of joy.

But instead, I find myself lugging box after box of sentimental weight only to find this longing for joy has burdened me.

Why then, must I find myself doing these mental gymnastics where one part is fighting to hold on while another sees the logical truth behind it.

I know that if I let the purge happen, that I will open more space to live and reduce my overhead. Then why is there that part of me that denies the facts and insists on lugging around a box with Pokémon on it for two decades.

I don’t know what the hell it is. A trinket holder? I got it as a gift a long time ago. I like it, I just don’t know what practical use it should have. A pill organizer? It makes for a nice juxtaposition of adolescence and adulthood, right?

I guess the reason I’m writing this at all is to brainstorm ways to motivate me to trash the garbage.

It’s a whole process.

But isn’t that true about most things?

What do you find a useful tool in helping you declutter? Feel free to leave a comment with suggestions.

Take care.