Everyday Mindfulness

Originally, I was planning on writing a post about boundaries, and how to set boundaries. I think I may save that for later or another day altogether. Tonight, I want to blog about Mindfulness because although it was the second time we had gone through it in therapy, it really stuck out for me. I think the first time they went through it, I sort of assumed that I knew what I needed to know, so I disregarded a lot of it. However, after actively listening today, I realized there was some good stuff discussed that I wanted to bring to the blog.

Mindfulness is a mental state and practice characterized by focused awareness and non-judgmental observation of the present moment. It involves deliberately paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and the surrounding environment without getting caught up in judgments, distractions, or the past and future. Mindfulness can be cultivated through various techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, or simply by consciously engaging in everyday activities. It is often used as a tool for reducing stress, enhancing well-being, and improving one’s ability to respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity and equanimity.

There was one point during the group discussion where a memory stuck out very vividly for me. That was when I was working in retail, and I had a supervisor who had a lot of wisdom to impart (whether we youngsters liked it or not LOL). I think he wanted to show me something from his wallet, but he grabbed it out of the wrong pocket or something. Regardless, I asked him what was going on with it and he said he alternates what pocket the wallet is in periodically. He does this because the side that the wallet is on feels “off” and it tricks his brain into focusing on it so he doesn’t have to worry about it going missing. It’s a fun technique I’ve used in my life to remind me to pay attention to my wallet, or to other things in order to keep them in my awareness.

Non-Judgment

I think an important aspect of mindfulness is the non-judgmental part. The reason I think that is because it allows individuals to approach their experiences with an open and accepting attitude. By refraining from passing judgment, people can gain deeper insights into their thoughts and feelings, fostering a more profound understanding of themselves. This can be especially valuable when dealing with challenging emotions or stressful situations, as it reduces the habit of reacting automatically based on preconceived notions or biases. Instead, individuals can respond to life’s circumstances in a more balanced and thoughtful manner. Non-judgmental mindfulness also promotes self-compassion, as it encourages individuals to treat themselves with kindness and forgiveness rather than harsh criticism. In this way, mindfulness helps create a healthier and more harmonious relationship with one’s own mind and the world around them.

No place for All-Or-Nothing

The therapist leading the group session wanted to stress though, that we don’t have to be open or accepting of everything while practicing mindfulness. It’s important that we don’t fall into all-or-nothing behaviors, which is classified under Cognitive Distortion. While mindfulness encourages non-judgmental observation of thoughts and feelings, it doesn’t mean that individuals should passively accept or endorse everything they encounter. Mindfulness is about acknowledging experiences without immediately reacting or impulsively believing in them, but it doesn’t imply surrendering one’s critical thinking or values.

This distinction is essential because it underscores the idea that mindfulness is a balanced practice. It allows individuals to discern which thoughts and emotions are beneficial or aligned with their values and which may be unhelpful or harmful. It encourages a discerning approach to understanding one’s inner landscape and making deliberate choices about how to respond. By avoiding all-or-nothing thinking, individuals can strike a harmonious balance between accepting what is, exploring what serves them, and making informed decisions, which is a key aspect of personal growth and well-being.

Cognitive Distortion & Emotional Reasoning

Earlier I mentioned Cognitive Distortion which was brought up alongside Emotional Reasoning. I just looked up the definitions of each. Emotional reasoning refers to the cognitive process of making decisions, interpreting situations, or drawing conclusions based primarily on one’s emotions or feelings rather than objective evidence or rational thought. In emotional reasoning, a person might believe something is true or accurate simply because they feel it strongly, even if there is no logical basis for that belief. For example, someone might feel extremely anxious about an upcoming social event and, therefore, conclude that it will be a disaster without considering any concrete evidence.

Cognitive distortions, on the other hand, are specific patterns of irrational and biased thinking that can lead to negative emotions and behaviors. They represent a broader set of cognitive errors or thinking traps that people often fall into. Examples of cognitive distortions include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, and personalization. These distortions can lead to emotional reasoning but are not limited to it. Emotional reasoning is one of the cognitive distortions, as it involves relying on emotions as evidence for beliefs.

Default Mode Network

She spoke momentarily on the Default Mode Network. The Default Mode Network (DMN) is a network of interconnected brain regions that becomes active when the mind is at rest and not focused on the outside world or engaged in specific tasks. It is often associated with self-referential or introspective thinking, daydreaming, and mind-wandering. The DMN is involved in various mental processes, including autobiographical memory, planning for the future, and thinking about one’s own thoughts and emotions. It plays a role in forming a sense of self and personal identity.

The Wise Mind

She said that at night, our mind goes into the DMN and causes us to ruminate about emotional things, like mistakes or moments of embarrassment in the past. This is part of the “emotional mind” in DBT. The concept of the emotional mind, wise mind, and rational mind is a core component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. These three “minds” represent different states of mind or modes of thinking and are particularly relevant in the context of emotional regulation and decision-making:

1. Emotional Mind: The emotional mind is a state of mind where emotions take over and dominate one’s thoughts, decisions, and behaviors. In this state, people are highly reactive to their emotional responses and may act impulsively based on their feelings, often without considering the consequences or rationality of their actions. It can lead to impulsive and emotionally driven behavior.
2. Rational Mind: The rational mind is characterized by logical, objective, and analytical thinking. When in the rational mind, individuals rely on facts, evidence, and critical thinking to make decisions. They may set aside emotions and focus on the pure logic of a situation. While this can be useful in some situations, it may also lead to an overly detached or unemotional approach.
3. Wise Mind: The wise mind is a balanced and integrated state of mind that combines the rational and emotional minds. It involves making decisions and taking actions while considering both emotions and logical reasoning. The wise mind acknowledges and respects emotions without being controlled by them. It allows individuals to make more effective and well-rounded choices that align with their values and goals.

In DBT, the goal is to cultivate and access the wise mind, which involves finding a balance between emotional and rational thinking. This balanced approach helps individuals make healthier and more adaptive choices in response to challenging situations, particularly in the context of managing intense emotions and promoting emotional well-being.

Loving Detachment

Another wonderful point that was made was that one of the characteristics of the Wise Mind is viewing situations with loving detachment. Viewing a situation with loving detachment is a mindset or approach where you observe and engage with a situation, person, or experience with a sense of compassion and emotional distance. It involves maintaining a degree of objectivity and not becoming overly entangled in strong emotions, judgments, or attachments, while also approaching the situation with kindness and understanding. Here’s what it means in more detail:

1. Objectivity: Loving detachment encourages you to step back from the situation and adopt a more objective perspective. You observe what is happening without getting overly caught up in personal biases, preconceived notions, or emotional reactivity.
2. Compassion: While maintaining objectivity, you bring a sense of compassion and empathy to the situation. You seek to understand the perspectives and feelings of others involved and approach the situation with a non-judgmental and caring attitude.
3. Emotional Distance: You do not let your own emotions or attachments overwhelm your judgment or actions. Instead, you acknowledge your feelings but do not let them control your responses. This emotional distance allows for greater clarity and rational decision-making.
4. Non-Attachment: Loving detachment implies a level of non-attachment, meaning you do not cling to particular outcomes or become overly invested in a specific result. You are open to different possibilities and are not devastated if things do not go as planned.
5. Self-Care: It also involves taking care of your own well-being and boundaries. You recognize the importance of self-care and do not sacrifice your own mental and emotional health in the process.

In essence, viewing a situation with loving detachment means approaching life’s challenges and interactions with a balanced and compassionate mindset. It helps you navigate difficult situations with greater wisdom, resilience, and a focus on fostering understanding and positive outcomes.

Achieving The Wise Mind

To achieve the Wise Mind, it is essential to engage in a combination of observing, describing, and participating, which are core components of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). These skills help individuals develop a more balanced and integrated state of mind where they can make decisions and respond to situations effectively. Here’s an expanded explanation of each of these components:

1. Observe: Observing involves being fully present in the moment and taking in your surroundings and inner experiences without judgment. It encourages you to notice and acknowledge your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and the environment without immediately reacting to them. This skill promotes self-awareness and allows you to understand the components that make up your current experience. By observing, you can gain insight into your emotional reactions and thought patterns, which is a crucial step in accessing the Wise Mind.
2. Describe: Describing follows the observation phase and requires putting your experiences into words. This helps you articulate what you have observed and understand it more clearly. Describing your emotions, thoughts, and sensations can aid in distancing yourself from them and fostering a more rational understanding of the situation. It also facilitates effective communication with others about your experiences and needs.
3. Participate: Participation involves fully engaging in the present moment, whether it’s in daily activities or interactions with others. It encourages you to be “in the moment” and commit to your chosen actions. By participating wholeheartedly, you can better integrate your emotional and rational minds, aligning your actions with your values and goals. This active engagement helps you make mindful decisions and respond effectively to the challenges you encounter.

By combining these three components – observing, describing, and participating – individuals can access the Wise Mind, a state where rational and emotional thinking harmoniously coexist. This integrated approach enables more balanced and effective decision-making, emotional regulation, and responses to life’s complexities, ultimately promoting greater well-being and personal growth.

“Don’t judge. Focus mindfully, and do what works” encapsulates the essence of effective mindfulness and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) principles in a succinct way. Let’s expand on each component:

1. Don’t Judge: This aspect emphasizes the importance of observing your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without passing judgment. When you refrain from labeling your experiences as good or bad, right or wrong, you create space for non-judgmental awareness. This allows you to see things as they are, without the distortion of personal biases or preconceived notions.
2. Focus Mindfully: Mindful focus involves being fully present in the moment, with undivided attention to what you are doing or experiencing. It encourages you to immerse yourself in the present and pay deliberate attention to your thoughts, emotions, and the environment. This practice promotes self-awareness, clarity, and the ability to make conscious choices.
3. Do What Works: This component emphasizes the importance of taking purposeful and effective action. Instead of being driven solely by your emotions or habits, you choose to act in ways that align with your values and goals. It’s about making informed decisions and responding to situations in a manner that is more likely to lead to positive outcomes.

In summary, “Don’t judge. Focus mindfully, and do what works” is a powerful reminder to approach life’s challenges with an open and accepting mindset, practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present, and make decisions and take actions that are in line with your best interests and values. This approach can lead to greater emotional regulation, improved well-being, and more effective responses to life’s complexities.

In Conclusion

There is a lot to unpack there. There’s some homework in the book that they invite us to do. While I focus on that, I invite you to bring mindfulness into your everyday. The Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, has emphasized the importance of mindfulness and being present in various aspects of life. While the exact wording may vary in different teachings or speeches, the core message is often about the value of cultivating mindfulness in one’s daily activities and interactions.

For example, he has spoken about the significance of being fully present in the moment, whether during meditation, daily routines, or interactions with others. His teachings often highlight the benefits of mindfulness in fostering compassion, inner peace, and a deeper understanding of oneself and the world.

While there may not be an exact quote where the Dalai Lama explicitly says, “Be mindful in everything,” the concept of mindfulness is integral to his teachings and is consistently promoted as a path to greater well-being, compassion, and spiritual growth.