Walking into therapy used to be something I looked forward to each day. Lately, it seems like I am not getting much out of it because I've been coming for a while now, and that stuff is beginning to be repetitive… Sitting in a small room and working on paperwork is enough to drive me insane… Sometimes, I really hate how different I am… When I am forced to spend several hours on one task with the expectation that I won't get distracted, it frustrates me… Anyway, I really wish the person who was making the decision for my disability…
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Yesterday was rough, emotionally. I think the primary issue was that I held expectations going into this weekend. Expectations breed disappointment. I’m probably about 30-35% of the way done with my friend’s website, excluding images in which she is taking updated photos. I was hoping to have the website about 80% complete by now. My goal was to have it ready to go live before Thanksgiving. The reason for that is so she can hopefully get some more sales for Christmas. There are a few roadblocks that I was not expecting though. I should know by now that hurdles come…
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In this blog post, we explore the transformative power of mindfulness and the importance of achieving a "Wise Mind." Discover how to observe, describe, and participate in your life, while embracing the concept of loving detachment. Join us on this journey to enhance self-awareness and well-being.
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I currently have a whopping 3 socks. Not 3-pairs of socks. 3 socks. One has a hole in them. So, 2 socks. I have 2 socks. 1 of those socks is dirty and stinky. I have 1 clean and whole sock. But Bonnie knows best, right? Bonnie to the rescue! She left me with a laundry basket of mismatched clothes. That’s what I have to live out of for now. I cannot keep living out of a laundry basket on someone’s couch. I cannot do it anymore. I’m going insane. I am trying so hard to get my shit together…
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Part of my therapy involves trauma. We haven’t gotten too heavily into it yet however, I received a handout from my therapist that has some very interesting information in it, especially with how it relates to me and my traumas. I’m both really excited to begin work on my trauma but also very anxious about the memories and emotions that it is going to bring up. I blocked out a lot of memories, especially from my childhood so I think it will be difficult to work through a lot of that, but I think it will be worth…
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Last night, learning that someone went through my stuff hasn’t sat well with me. In fact, it’s affected me quite a bit. This morning, I sort of exploded and I was about to quit treatment and leave my family and live on the streets. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my therapists explained to me that it’s a very typical response for someone who experienced trauma. She said that the invasion of privacy is a clear indication of my schema. For some clarification on what schema is, I’ve asked a chatbot to put it into English…
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God damnit. I hate when people make decisions for you without your consent. I hate when they think they know what’s best for you. I hate it when they don’t take your needs or wants into consideration. I just wish everyone that says they loved me would show me a little more respect. If you’re not going to give me the respect to grab my own shit, at least communicate that with me. I was supposed to go and clean out my old room with family. I had asked to be a part of that. I know…
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Emotions. I think it’s safe to say that a majority of people experience emotions subconsciously, at least until they or the effects they cause become dramatic. I’ve always had an intuition that the unexamined emotional landscape is a force that is in control of one’s journey. In order to take back control, one needs to become aware of the interplay of emotions one experiences in the day, bringing this awareness to the conscious mind. In order to do that, a person must recognize the emotions they are experiencing first. I think for most people, that is the most difficult…
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Learning that you have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) explains a lot of interpersonal relationship issues that arise. Here, let me grab a list of symptoms and share them with you. It should illustrate what I’m referring to. Behavioral: Antisocial behavior Compulsive behavior Hostility Impulsivity Irritability Risk-taking behaviors Self-destructive behavior Self-harm Social isolation Lack of restraint Mood: Anger Anxiety General discontent Guilt Loneliness Mood swings Sadness Psychological: Depression Distorted self-image Grandiosity Narcissism Also common: Thoughts of suicide Please note that this is not an exhaustive list of all symptoms of BPD, and that everyone experiences the disorder differently. If you…
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Just got home from treatment. Today went much smoother! There was another Foundation, which I was unaware of. Foundations are the addiction stories of those in treatment, toward the end of their treatment they share their stories. Today, a gentleman shared his story. It was quite moving.His drug of choice is alcohol. He said he dabbled in other stuff when he was younger, but he’s been drinking heavily for two decades. I’m sure that many people reading this are aware that I battled with my own alcoholism not too long ago. I spent most of my twenties battling this…