I had another really strong dream. It was more of a nightmare. I kept seeing all these lures crawling through a house toward the windows. They were those rubber lures that looked like worms. Everywhere I looked, I saw them. They would appear out of nowhere, tiny, super tiny. They would grow and begin crawling toward the nearest window, and grow while they did. Growing large like a finger in diameter by the time they got to the walls. Then they would crawl up the walls and out the window. I remember being thankful that they were leaving but like,…
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This weekend was a complete wash. I didn’t get anything done. What a joke. I should have just slept more.
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I refrained from blogging yesterday to allocate time for a one-on-one session with my therapist, delving into significant aspects of childhood trauma. It's an arduous process, but imperative for personal growth. Simultaneously, my day off facilitated substantial progress on a friend's website, contributing to my evolving portfolio. Additionally, the escalating costs of various necessities present a considerable challenge in contemporary times. The intricate nature of adult responsibilities remains an ongoing struggle.
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Yesterday ended on a very heavy topic. Shame. We watched this very brief video and then began discussing the difference between shame and guilt. Then we went into the book… The part that resonated with me was about secret shame. Here’s a photo of the section in the book. Read the whole paragraph. I had to read it 5+ times before it really sank in. I think all of this relates to me, but I’m not sure. I want to process it. There’s a lot to unpack though, as is usual with therapy. But, I think it’s why I blocked…
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In this blog, I reflect on my journey through recovery, navigating life changes and housing struggles. Amidst newfound stability, I encountered unexpected temptations, leading to a brief stint in the world of Party and Play. Little did I realize, this marked the beginning of a complex romantic entanglement with intriguing twists and hidden red flags.
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This weekend's looking busy but fun! I'm set to chat about a website redesign for a friend's business, an awesome project that will pump up my portfolio. I'm also catching up with an old mate over some grub, jumping into a D&D session, and making my basement space comfier with my great-aunt. On top of this, there's room for some AI work and blog tweaking. Staying scheduled to dodge old bad habits, but all these plans are stuff I love!
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I've been working closely with my therapist to tackle my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) symptoms, focusing primarily on emotional deregulation, a distorted sense of reality, and an ever-changing sense of self. My therapy plan is getting a week-long extension, allowing for more individual time with my therapist. More reality checks are a key part of my recovery.
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So, this morning, I have a doctor’s appointment to bring my great aunt to. She broke her ankle around the time that I moved in. Today, there are x-rays to determine how well it’s healing. Then we find out how long she has to wear this god-awful boot. I feel bad about the boot; her mobility is obviously hindered by it. Not only is it rigid, but it’s very heavy and difficult to maneuver. Then after this appointment, I’ll be bringing her back home, and I’ll be going to my own appointment. I have to call therapy and tell them…
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I can’t sleep at night. I can’t sleep in the morning. I can’t sleep during the day. My great-aunt has shit to do. Responsibilities to meet. I get it. I’m in the fucking way. She’s trying her best not to make me feel that way, but it’s just the reality. I went to bed at 11 last night. I’m syncing my Fitbit. It says I got 7.5 hours of sleep with a sleep score of 80. Then why do I feel like shit?! Every fucking morning, I wake up with my head splitting and my eyes swollen and in a…
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I am completely and wholly incompetent. I give up. I can’t even fucking start a dryer and people expect me to hold down a job and pay bills. WTF. Yeah right, you’re all real funny.