Battle the darkness with knowledge and understanding

    Judgment. 

    It’s a point of contention for a lot of people, myself included. Judgment is something that I have been working through for a very long time. As a member of the queer community, a person raised in a Christian family and community, and a citizen of a country founded and formed based on very puritanical beliefs, I have battled with or against judgment more than I would have liked to.

    It’s important to know that judgment comes in many forms and in various ways it serves a very real and practical purpose. It is important to be able to judge a situation or a person and determine if it is safe. Judgment can be a tool of justice, helping to educate, rehabilitate, or maintain societal standards. Judges are used in contests and can be the determining factor in receiving a reward or prize.

    However, judgment takes on many negative forms. Forms that do not necessarily serve a positive purpose, and instead work toward hindering others. I learned long ago through my queer journey that others may judge me and find peace in that. I remind myself that there are only two entities that are entitled to true judgment of me and that is myself and my creator. I try not to weaponize this understanding but, I have had to verbalize it a few times in order to correct someone for their detrimental ways.

    Coming to terms with addiction, and sharing that reality with others brings forth a lot of very real judgment. As an addict who discusses addiction with other people from various backgrounds, it’s very easy to spot another addict, recovered or not. Or even the loved one of an addict. It’s the only time the conversation doesn’t result in judgment and you can see the understanding in their eyes and sense the empathy from within them. 

    I think it is easy for others to hold judgment when they’re confronted with a reality in which they know very little. The relationship many people have with drug use is based purely on what they are told by authority figures. It’s the messaging we receive in schooling, from our religious communities, and from our parental figures. In this society, it’s very typical for someone to provide a very singular explanation of drugs and their use/abuse. “It’s bad.” “Don’t do it.” “It will destroy you/others.” We will do everything to get people to stay away from drugs, and once they are involved in them we will do everything we can to stay away from them. Guilt by association, perhaps. But, there’s also a lack of control felt by everyone involved. Many people do not have the tools and resources to manage this lack of control. I can see how that can be difficult.

    Through my journey, from the experiences I’ve had I strongly believe that this position of opposition only creates the problem it seeks to resolve. I have expressed this to others before, users and non-users and there is always a lot of dismay at the idea. However, I think it provides an opportunity for introspection, examination, and evolution.

    I think, and I may be wrong but it may be helpful to give other paths a chance to see a resolution. But, I think we should remove the stigma surrounding drug use. I think we need to remove the legal restrictions. We should lift the societal denial of these substances. I think the biggest harm we can do for ourselves and others and society as a whole is to push these substances away, deny ourselves the education and knowledge around them, and shun those who find themselves within their grasp. 

    We are all familiar with the “War on Drugs” and the countless decades this “war” has been waged. I think we can all confidently agree that this has not resolved the issue, even exacerbated it to some degree. I often think of young children when trying to come up with an analogy. When you tell a child, “Don’t touch that,” or “Keep their gift a secret,” “Don’t go over there,” or any variation of these limitations we may impose on a young person, any parent can attest to the first action most children will take. The child will very likely touch that, disclose the secret, or go over there. 

    I think it’s built into us to try these forbidden things. Think of the fruit of forbidden knowledge. How tempting it is to do the things you’re told not to do. It’s only natural to wonder why we shouldn’t, and what will happen if we do, and natural to test these boundaries. 

    Because of the limitations placed on our society based on these substances, we have limited the research and resulting education on these things. It is always law-abiding people who are most negatively affected by governmental restrictions. Anything can be made illegal whether it be drugs, abortion, dissent, or anything else. But, those who are dedicated to their path will find a way to do the things they choose to do, regardless of the law.

    I think if we opened ourselves to be able to conduct proper research into these substances and their effects, we could better educate future generations on the real detriments of these. In that, we can give them the knowledge and tools to make informed decisions. These decisions can be made based on a foundation of understanding. When someone chooses not to use drugs because they were told that it was bad, it’s a very shallow decision. A decision that can perhaps be easily swayed. However, when someone makes the decision to abstain from drug use based on knowledge of the drugs, chemicals, interactions with biology, etc. These decisions are based on a firm and deeply entrenched understanding. This sort of understanding helps alleviate the curiosity that we see in children when they’re denied an experience.

    I think there is another fundamental flaw in holding a negative judgment against users and the substances. When someone is under the influence, oftentimes they feel they must hide their usage from those in their lives who do not use it. Many of the people that I used with found it alarming that I’ve been open about my habits with much of my family. This made them very uncomfortable. They felt that it was necessary to hide these vices and choices, especially from loved ones. They fear judgment, of course. They also fear retribution. Whether that comes in the form of verbal dispute, abandonment, or other negative consequences.

    It is a very real fact that when a person is in the grips of addiction, there may be moments of clarity in which they would like to receive help, get clean, and make healthy choices. If people are able to reach out to a support network during these moments of clarity, they have a much higher chance of following through on recovery and treatment. Many of them, do because they feel they can’t be honest about their use, and they fear the negative reactions of others to avoid seeking help. Many times, it’s easy to fall back into bad habits once you realize the limitations you’re under because of the stigma.

    I explained to a loved one this morning, that addiction should not be seen as an affliction of character. While it is difficult to explain to someone who lacks the experience surrounding drugs and who has not had to go through that journey, I think it helps to think of it as a ‘pleasure button’ of sorts. When pressed, imagine you receive a temporary but very strong and very real feeling of pleasure. Whatever that looks like for you.

    I told them, I could hand that button to anyone in this world, and at first, they would abstain from pressing the button. Eventually, in a moment of “weakness” or darkness, they would feel the urge to press that button. They may press it today and may not think of pressing it again for days or weeks, but that memory of that pleasure will stay with them. And, no matter who that person is, they will press that button again. And again. And the frequency will increase as they realize that the troubles and challenges they face in their day-to-day life fade away. Their focus and attention are directed toward the temporary moment of pleasure, and they can continue to postpone the negative and instead continue to distract themselves with the pleasure.

    That is the life of an addict. Most addicts do not even realize they are addicts because it’s always just one push of a button. They don’t see the history and the track record of pushing the button dozens of times a day for weeks, months, or years in a row. They don’t see the larger picture, the patterns, and the rut that they have fallen into that the sober community can see from the outside.

    It isn’t until the addict has hit “rock bottom” as they say, that they can pause and observe themselves externally, they can see themselves within the larger frame of reality and get a true picture of their situation, their choices, the effects of those choices, the damage to themselves and their relationships and their lives. That is why, when you force a person into rehabilitation against their will, they will fight tooth & nail against it. Many will escape that forced recovery, and even if they follow through on recovery, they will go right back to the bad habits and poor choices that led them into addiction. They have not had a reason to pause, they have not had to take a moment to examine the overall situation and take stock. 

    It is up to that person to get to that place. The mechanisms that lead one to that place are different for each person. Some people may find themselves scrutinizing their choices just because they feel a bit more depressed or hopeless. While others have to find themselves without family, without shelter, in legal struggle. Sometimes, and I know it sounds wrong, but sometimes it may be helpful for the family to disconnect and abandon the addict in order for them to hit bottom faster and harder. It sounds like it would be counter to one’s own intuition, to abandon family. However, it may hasten the process which can be beneficial to some. However, we walk a fine line when making such determinations. Some, when forced to the bottom will only see the bottom as the inevitable and will have lost all hope when they realize how alone and powerless they are. These people, they will suffer from such treatment.

    It’s important that everyone is educated and aware of addiction, substances, and their effects. While one person is powerful and can avoid such traps and danger, their family may have numerous people suffering from such afflictions. That person, even if they have never touched a substance; drugs, or alcohol, they may be suffering from addiction just as much as anyone else, just indirectly.

    With that mindset, I put forth the concept that we all suffer from addiction, directly or indirectly. So, to hold judgment is not only defeating to the direct addict but defeating to the indirect addicts, and even negative to the person who believes they hold a place in life from which they can hold judgment. If you are someone who does not have the tools and resources to be a support in the life of someone facing addiction, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the space. Do not fight the addiction, do not argue with the person. Everything you can think of to say, all of the arguments and reasoning you can throw at them, they already know. They battle with these thoughts internally daily. There is no need to pile on the baggage. They need pillars of support, or they need space. They don’t need to be dragged down, but they need those around who can help lift them up and out of that bad spot when they wake up when they’re ready for change. They’ll need strong and capable people when the time is right. And to those people, eternally grateful isn’t substantial enough language to describe the emotions. 

    For those who find themselves in the grips of addiction, whether directly or indirectly… there is hope. There is a brighter tomorrow. There will be a day when you look up and see nature, society, and all the things around you and you see that beauty that you haven’t for so long. And, when you do, look for those pillars of strength, the hands reaching out to pull you back to health and happiness. They’ll be there, maybe from family, strangers, or even in the form of systemic aid like housing and rehabilitation.

Where there is a will, there is a way. 

Take care.