Closing One Chapter, Opening Another: Reflections on Treatment and Future Aspirations

The 19th is my last day of treatment. The people who started right before me are doing their Foundations. I’m still writing mine. One of them has their last day tomorrow and the other on Friday. I’m giving my Foundation on Monday. Sadly, I will have heard all of these Foundations and the people that I’ve been in treatment with the longest won’t be around to hear mine.

I think the hardest part is that Monday will be my Foundation in front of people that I know, but not all too well, and that on Tuesday it will be my “Best Wishes” which is when people give you advice for your journey after treatment. I will have given everyone before me and some who started after me best wishes. It was a long journey, through treatment. Recovery is an ongoing process, I know that. There were a lot of ups and downs in treatment and there’s a couple of people who were there for most of it. Ultimately, I did it by myself though. I guess I just have to remember that. Just like I will give my Foundation by myself.

On a more positive note, my great-aunt told me about a program that offers certifications for project management. It was something I considered looking into back in September. I have a webinar about it on the 14th. I think the classes start in January, I would have to double-check. If it’s anything like Coursera, it will just be a ‘start when you start’ type thing. I hope it’s self-paced too because I was able to complete a couple of courses through Coursera in just the 7-day free trial. Either way, it will be a good failsafe to have if my disability application gets denied.

If I take the certification and my disability gets denied, I think I’m still going to struggle with a lot of things. Addiction is just one of the things that I struggle with. I know I haven’t done myself any favors by adding that to the list of things with which I have to cope. I think I said this in a recent blog post about addiction though, I think I’m on a better path than I’ve ever been on before. Specifically, if you consider my journey through alcoholism. I have a lot more answers and understanding about myself than I did just 5 years ago. I’m still young, I know that to some 35 (yes, I’m holding onto the 5 for the next couple of days,) doesn’t seem young but when you’re pushing 36, it seems young. I still feel like I’m in my twenties.

I just wish I could flash forward and see where I am in 5 years. I wish I could use that to help guide me but a part of me knows that even when the future is shown to you, you can’t change it. After all, I had a premonition about being in treatment months earlier, and there was nothing I could do to prevent that course from playing out. Maybe that’s why we’re not easily shown the future, there’s no point. I think the point is that we work every day to acquire the tools to help us build a better future for ourselves. I think treatment has given me a lot more tools that I knew existed. I know, I’m not perfect and I will probably fail at some things. At least now, I have a better chance at success than I did before.