I’m thinking about this at 5 in the morning, so you’ll have to forgive me for any incoherence. And I did put an effort into thinking about this. And I think that if I had to pinpoint the biggest influence in my life, my first inclination was to look at other people. However, upon deeper contemplation, I came to the realization that I am the biggest influence in my life.
I spend the most time with myself. I’m in constant conversation with myself. I think that I am more me to myself, than I am to other people. Does that make sense? I am more authentic with myself than I am with other people. I think that is a more appropriate way of saying that.
Authenticity. Weird. So, I went to look up authenticity and it said authentic, so I went to that definition and it said genuine… Yes, I went to that definition and it said authentic! Isn’t it weird that we use words to define words? I suppose they exist within the same paradigm. Anyways, it turns out to be cyclical which is of no use to anybody.
Oh…, yep. One of the dogs is dreaming.
As of recently though, as far as external influences go, I think the top of the charts would have to be my aunts. They showed me genuine stability during a challenging time. My aunt, Bonnie, still continues to provide support in so many ways. I have a lot to be grateful for. I still don’t have a winter coat, though.
I think another positive influence on my life has been my twin sister. She put in a lot of work and effort to accomplish her goals and she did. I look up to her for that. Which reminds me about how recently I was looking into avoidance behavior. I think I might be employing a lot of those tactics. Not intentionally.
I think that I am avoiding quite a few things in life. I think that’s a big influence on me. Avoidance behavior is when someone avoids situations or stimuli that causes pain or discomfort. It’s a coping mechanism. A lot of things are coping mechanisms. It’s the maladaptive ones that we want to change.
Maladaptive literally means harmful or ineffective. Avoiding discomfort is certainly ineffective if nothing else. I would say that avoidance behavior are maladaptive.
There is another point that I wanted to make earlier but only remembered until now. Realizing that one is using maladaptive coping techniques is the first step toward changing them. So, I’m on the right path.
According to ChatGPT, the next step would be to identify the trigger. I guess that would be a big influence in my life. The trigger causing my avoidance behavior.
Oh! Coffee is done.
But you see, there are a lot of different types of influences at play in one’s life. I think that’s a good reminder to practice compassion. Whether for others or for oneself. Now, there’s a spot I’ve been avoiding. Self-compassion. But that’s a blog post for another day.
Take care.
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