I hate my body

I can’t sleep at night. I can’t sleep in the morning. I can’t sleep during the day.

My great-aunt has shit to do. Responsibilities to meet. I get it. I’m in the fucking way. She’s trying her best not to make me feel that way, but it’s just the reality. I went to bed at 11 last night. I’m syncing my Fitbit. It says I got 7.5 hours of sleep with a sleep score of 80. Then why do I feel like shit?!

Every fucking morning, I wake up with my head splitting and my eyes swollen and in a mood. Why can’t I just be a normal fucking person? Why can’t I wake up feeling like that white blob in the image?

It seems like the only time I’m happy to wake up is when I let my body fall asleep whenever it does, and sleep until it naturally wakes up. But then my wake/sleep cycle is like 30/10. Those aren’t functioning hours. Those aren’t hours I can keep and keep up with society.

I NEED FUCKING COFFEE!

I have a doctor’s appointment today. I have treatment, obviously. There’s paperwork I have to bring to the Social Security Administration building. There’s shit that needs to be done and I am in no mood to do any of it. I know I’m sounding like a whiney bitch, but this is about that time that things start to collapse. Where, if I had a 9-5 job, I would start calling in. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can’t I function like a normal adult?!

I don’t know. I’m not taking a shower today. Everyone will have to rejoice in the fact that I put jeans on because right about fucking now, I feel great in my sweats.

Oh, and I’m sick and tired of having a boney ass. Wooden chairs feel like torture devices. I have to slouch or sit on bone and skin. FML