Today I’m having trouble with… PEOPLE

For the most part, I really enjoy the treatment program that I’m in. I feel that CBT & DBT really resonate with me. Not only does it make logical sense, but it’s very relaxed and forgiving. I really think that had it been strict and regimented, I would be in opposition to it the whole time. Everything that I’ve learned through treatment has proven useful in a lot of ways. Not only with addiction recovery, but depression, anxiety, mood stabilization, dealing with stressors, and more. Today, however… Today has been difficult.

I left the house feeling annoyed today. I don’t do well with structure, especially when it comes to sleep. Last night, I went to bed around 10 o’clock. I woke up at quarter to midnight, frustrated. So, I took half of my trazodone (for sleep). It always leaves me groggy in the morning, so I woke up in a mood. I tried to move past it. I focused on my website and did some mindfulness, which means just paying attention to the moment, whether it be your breathing or the task at hand. I left for treatment feeling okay but when I got to Kwik Trip, I bought a snack and went to put gas in the car. When I went to pay, she could barely hear me. I could barely hear her. Something about using my card and cash. She rambled on, I told her “I don’t care, I don’t work there.” This other employee budded in. It was a whole shitshow.

Then I got to treatment, and NO ONE knows how to use an elevator. When you’re on the elevator, you should be given space to exit. People stand right in front of the door and wait until the doors open and block the way of anyone trying to get off of the elevator. This happened 3 times today. I left to go for a walk, which using the elevator during that time was a clusterfuck. Then, the rain made my jacket or clothes smell like cat piss.

On top of that, from 11:30a to 1:45p we sit in a room and stare at each other. Waste of time. We’re told it’s individual time. There are 3 or 4 of us who either go for a walk or go outside to smoke/vape. There’s one guy that just started recently, he just sits and stares at me the whole time. Today, I asked him if he had a problem with me? He said no, and looked away. I hope that’s the end of him staring at me. If it continues, I’ll be switching to a different program because he creeps me the fuck out!

Also, I’m sick and tired of people calling me! Some “Vijay” just called about a personal and confidential matter? I told him not to call me and put me on his do-not-call list. I’ve taken up the hobby of answering the phone in a cranky tone, acting confused and pissed off, and then yelling at them when I don’t know who they are! Hopefully, they all get new jobs. I hear Walgreens is hiring. Which reminds me, I went to CVS to pick up a prescription. Walgreens has been telling me for a week that they’re going to cancel my prescription but they don’t. So, CVS can’t fill it. I called and yelled at that woman today, told her they’ve been nothing but a thorn in my side for 5 years now and to remove me altogether from their system. I’ll be grateful if I never have to deal with another Walgreens again.

Today is NOT the day, people. Best to stay out of my way.