Foundation

    Today was difficult. Especially toward the end. We were in group, and in the last group, we had to say goodbye to two people. One of the people was asked to do what is called Foundation. It’s where you share your journey through life with addiction. So, you share where your addiction began, what it’s done to you over the years, the people you lost, etc. It was so difficult to hear this person share their story. It really hit home. 
    Hearing her reasons for using. Hearing the effects of her use on her life. So much of what she said resonated with me and hit close to home. It really became more of a trigger for me than anything because hearing her story, how much she has been through, how long she has used, and how much she has struggled to get clean made me think that my journey is so short and clean, almost. It makes me think that relapse is guaranteed in my story. It makes me worry for the future and want to resort to using to cope with the difficulty of even the thoughts of failing. It’s so weird how addiction really fucks with your mind. 

    I want to keep this post short because I want to go do something else and get my mind off what I have been sitting with all day. So, excuse me if this is too brief. I think it’s important that I meet with my counselor tomorrow to discuss the emotional reaction I had to this foundation. Hopefully, she can provide tips to cope, otherwise, maybe Foundations just aren’t for me to sit through. I did see a couple of other people doing puzzles and various other things. They seemed distracted and disconnected. Maybe that’s why. Hmm. I have a lot to consider tonight.

Take care.